I literally do not understand soccer.
I had to text my friend and have her basically translate everything for me.
I wasn't even sure which goalie was ours.
I get confused every time it's on TV because the clock runs up, not down, which is unlike pretty much every sport ever I'm aware of.
I don't understand what exactly the yellow and red cards have to do with anything, I only know you're kicked out when you get a red one. Whether or not you have to practically body slam somebody intentionally or not to get one, I can't tell.
People are always tripping and falling, and sometimes it's an accident, sometimes it's on purpose (I guess?), and sometimes they're just running and some spirit of an angry mole just totally brings them down or something, I don't even know. Then they lay there writhing for about a minute and I'm just like ". . . I've seen kids face plant on asphalt harder than that and bounce right back up with cuts all over themselves. Get. UP."
I am well aware of the fact that there are really only two countries not all that into soccer, and one of them happens to be Antarctica. The other just beat Ghana.
I wasn't really sure how, but they did.
MURICA.
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