Ignorance May Be Bliss

Okay, I've written about motherhood and feminism before, but this really does beat all.
Now, I've sat on this article for a while, partly because I wanted to stew and partly because just like you shouldn't spank your kids in the heat of the moment, writing a response in the heat of the moment isn't the wisest thing to do either. So now that I'm... sorta cooled off, here goes.
And I want to give this disclaimer first: I understand it must be extremely difficult physically, emotionally, spiritually, and financially to raise a child with a disability. I also understand that I am writing this not only as a woman who does not have a disabled child, but as a woman who doesn't have a child period. But I think I have a valid point.
Also, if you are the parent - especially the mother - of a child with a disability, you may want to read this at your own risk. Consider yourself warned.

I saw this... somewhere on Facebook earlier this week: "'I wish I'd aborted the son I've spent 47 years caring for': It's a shocking admission - but read on before you judge". I thought, "Okay, it must be one of those things that sounds awful until you've read the whole thing and then it gets really sweet". Um no. That did not happen. (I suggest you read the entirety of the article before continuing on. It's easier if we're all on the same page.)
I actually will say this in her defense, because I believe in telling the truth: she is concerned about what will happen to her son when she and her husband die. I commend her for that shred of parental and maternal concern. But other than that and wishing he'd been born healthy so he could have a fulfilling, normal life himself, the rest of it is... heartbreaking.
After detailing how she knew something was different about Stephen from the get go, she drops this: "Perhaps you'd expect me to say that, over time, I grew to accept my son's disability. That now, looking back on that day 47 years later, none of us could imagine life without him, and that I'm grateful I was never given the option to abort. However, you'd be wrong. Because, while I do love my son, and am fiercely protective of him, I know our lives would have been happier and far less complicated if he had never been born. I do wish I'd had an abortion. I wish it every day."
Now, forgive me for edging into the satirical and the facetious, but think about what she's saying. She is saying that our lives are supposed to be happy and uncomplicated. That the default setting is happy and simple. I know everyone's life is different. I know everyone walks a different path in different shoes. I. Know. That. But since when were all sources of trouble and all sources of complication supposed to just be stripped away? Oh, no, aborted. Excuse me.
How can you love someone... protect someone... and wish that you had killed him while he was in - presumably - the safest place ever? And I swear, if someone brings up the example of a dog that needs to be put down, so help me, I will rant about the value of all human life.
(And for all those liberals who are them going to point the finger at me for capital punishment: when a human murders a human, there has been value lost. The only way to repay that debt is the forfeit of the murderer's life. End. Of. Story.)
She also recounts a particularly trying time for her as a mother when "exhausted and racked with guilt, I was close to the end of my tether when, shortly after Stephen's third birthday, he became unwell and cried incessantly for three days and nights. Worse still, he could give me no indication of what was wrong with him. My husband was working late shifts as a driver at the time, and by the third night I couldn't stand the noise any longer. In a rage, I picked Stephen up with every intention of throwing him down our flight of stairs. Thankfully, by the time I reached the top step, I thought, 'What on earth am I doing?' and put him back into his cot."
What on earth were you doing? Um, exactly what you keep telling us you wish you could go back and do! The only difference is that he's outside of you now and for some reason, now that he's born, it's illegal. She then closes the interview by saying this: "And so I appeal to every mother-to-be out there, facing the knowledge that they may bring a child like Stephen into this world. Read my story and do what is right for you and your family." In other words, if your child will make your life "complicated" because you'd have to do something over the top like care for them, abort it, because your life won't be complicated at all with a 'normal' child.

I'm not known as a particularly sensitive or emotional person, and on some level I'm not. But reading this article broke my heart. And I read an excellent rebuttal on Chicks on the Right, but even there the thing that broke me most wasn't mentioned.
I remember a few months ago when one of our pastors taught on this passage from 2 Timothy 3:
"But realize this, that in the last days difficult times will come. For men will be lovers of self, lovers of money, boastful, arrogant, revilers, disobedient to parents, ungrateful, unholy,
unloving, irreconcilable, malicious gossips, without self-control, brutal, haters of good,
treacherous, reckless, conceited, lovers of pleasure rather than lovers of God."
(Emphasis mine.)

That specific word for "unloving" -- it means "without natural affection". What kind of affection is more natural than the bond between a mother and her baby? I've always wondered what could drive a woman to have an abortion in the first place. But what on earth drives a woman to retrospectively wish she'd had one? When she's already held her baby, when she's already bonded with her baby?
I am not saying that loving your kids is always easy. If it were easy, why would young women have to be taught to (Titus 2:4-5)? But the fact that we've allowed ourselves to degrade human life to the point where a woman can wish she'd aborted one child and not the other and people who speak out against it are narrow-minded religious fanatics terrifies me. I have a friend with Down's Syndrome, and she is the sweetest thing. I don't think I've ever seen her without a smile. I know there are people with disabilities that aren't easy to work or live with. I get that. There are people with no disabilities that are hard to work and live with, too. So do we abort them because of that? No. I don't know, all of this really smacks of pre-Nazi Germany to me.
All I can say is that I hope her son has no idea what his mother thinks of him. I hope and pray he never finds out. Look at those pictures. He's with his mum. His protector. And his protector wishes she had aborted him. He probably can't understand that. I hope he can't. I sincerely hope he cannot. I hope his ignorance is bliss.

My point is that when we're okay with destroying even the most basic bonds of the family, we shouldn't be shocked or surprised when evil abounds.
Where there is no love, there is hate. I saw no love for her son in this woman. And I hope Stephen is loved by someone. Anyone. Because while she may not have aborted him physically, she's emotionally aborted him. And honestly, I don't know which is worse.

Why I am Not a Feminist

I've written about this kind of thing before, but what I'm going to say will still shock and probably offend some people, but hear me out.

I am not a feminist.

Still breathing? No? Well, catch your breath and keep reading.

No, I'm not stupid.
No, I'm not brainwashed.
No, I haven't "succumbed" to the so-called patriarchy.
I have an actual problem with feminism as I have seen it both portrayed and fleshed out.

Let's start with the ideology behind feminism.
In a world view based on evolution, the fittest survive. This could be the strongest, the fastest, or the smartest. In today's politically correct world of über sensitivity, people feel they have to find a way to somehow level what they feel is an uneven playing ground. Now, I want a second to say here that yes, women have not always been treated fairly or as they should have been. But I don't think feminism is the answer, and here's why.
Feminism today does not empower women. Feminism today simply puts down men. In what universe this makes everyone equal, I have no idea. It's sort of like the homosexual and transgender movement, where they say they want the same rules, but then they turn around and ask for different rules. Like, a man who becomes a woman and then demands to use whatever bathroom they want.
Feminists shout and scream for extra pay (they say they only make $0.77 to a man's $1.00) whereas men don't.Now, I've done a fair bit of reading about this, and I've been reliably told that this statistic does not account for the fact that men typically choose to go into higher paying jobs - usually those in the mathematics or computational fields - and women typically choose to go into lower paying jobs - like education. Secondly, the stat doesn't account for the fact that some women choose to leave their careers or work less hours when they have children. Having worked for both a corporation and a small business that employs both men and women, I feel I can safely say that there are few (not no, there are some jerks out there) but few employers who won't pay their employees the same wage for the same job.

Ah, but they'll point to "rape culture". They'll argue that it doesn't matter what they wear, men shouldn't rape them. This is true: men shouldn't rape women. But it is not "victim blaming" to say that they shouldn't have worn clothes that evoked sensuality. Yes, a school girl wearing a modest outfit can be grabbed and raped, and that would be just as wrong. But pretending that you can wear whatever you want - clothing designed to make men look at you lustfully - and it won't have an affect on a man's behavior is insanity, and that's why they're seeing no progress. Insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different result. The world doesn't work that way, and admitting it doesn't upsets their entire ideology. It demands that women take some personal responsibility for their behavior... which, despite their insistence that they are just as smart and physically capable as a man, they don't want that right... Wonder why...

This leads to another point: women have fought for the right to make their own choices, and that's fine, but when a woman makes a choice that doesn't fit the narrative, suddenly she's an outcast. (You can reference that wonderful openmindedness in the post I linked at the top.) Feminists and liberals (usually one and the same, but not always mutually exclusive) will demonize and harass any woman who decides to vote and live conservatively and, dare I say, normally with men. You can see this when pretty much any woman on any mainstream media network talks about a woman at Fox News.
When this occurred to me, I had to sit there and think this through. They're telling me that I am smart enough to make my own decisions and make my own money... but then they yell at me when I make my own decisions and make my own money because I'm not making the decision they want me to and I'm not earning my money the way they want me to.

Um... no thank you.

If this is feminism, I don't want it, and here's why.

First, I believe that God created man and woman in His image. Boom. That's equality right there. You don't have to argue and conjecture anymore.
Secondly, I do believe in equality. But equality should be achieved by bringing someone up, not tearing someone down. Literally the most non-constructive thing you could do (but then, I don't believe feminists are really interested in being constructive).
Thirdly, I honestly do not care if I make $0.77 to a man's $1. Call me shallow, call me clueless, I don't care. As long as I can pay my bills and live comfortably, I am fine. I don't need anything handed to me. Especially not birth control.
(Do these feminist pro-"choice" activists realize that about 53% of aborted babies are female? And lesbian, according to their scientific "research"? [I say "research" because they say people are born homosexual and you can't change that... but sexuality is fluid and you can change...?]) Sorry not sorry for the rabbit trail.
Fourth, I would love to be able to stay home with my kids and be a housewife. This has always been something I wanted, and I was blessed enough to have professors who respected that choice when they asked about my career aspirations. I'm not shortchanging myself. Not to brag, but I know I'm smart. I choose not to have a career. I want kids. And not the average 2.01 kids, either.
Fifth, I don't expect men to be responsible for my actions and choices. I can take personal responsibility for myself, as I fully expect them to do. I'm not excusing rape, I'm encouraging women to be responsible.
And finally, I will use my own brain and do my own research. I won't accept something I'm told unless I have proof it's true and in the proper context. And if that thinking and research leads to a choice feminists don't like, well, they'll just have to be big girls and grow up.

Footwashings

If you're really Type A like me, you know that though you may never have murdered anyone or stolen a car, it's the little things that get you down. You feel unworthy because of attitudes and things you've thought or said.
You feel unworthy of His love.

But there is hope in Him.

On Wednesday nights, one of our pastors has been teaching us about the churches written to in Revelation. They weren't perfect, by any means.
For instance, so many in Sardis had gone their own way and compromised -- and were probably feeling convicted, as Christians will.
Here's what Jesus had to say to them:
But you have a few people in Sardis who have not soiled their garments; and they will walk with Me in white, for they are worthy. He who overcomes will thus be clothed in white garments; and I will not erase his name from the book of life, and I will confess his name before My Father and before His angels. (Rev. 3:4-5)
Did you catch the end? The first part was encouragement to those who probably felt insanely alone, being that their brethren had seemingly abandoned them to do what they wanted, but after that, I believe He's addressing those who had fallen.
"He who overcomes will thus be clothed in white garments; and I will not erase his name from the book of life, and I will confess his name before My Father and before His angels."
Here's how I read it, and please do correct me if you think I'm woefully out of line:
"He who overcomes sin by My power will be cleansed and welcomed back, never disowned."
If you don't think that's comforting, I don't know what is.

Also, in verse 20, you find this jewel:
Behold, I stand at the door and knock; if anyone hears My voice and opens the door, I will come in to him and will dine with him, and he with Me.
Now, I feel like this is mostly quoted in reference to salvation, which, yes, that's accurate, but in the context, He's talking to Christians. This isn't about salvation so much as it is about fellowship. He said He'd "dine" with them. Eating with someone is a pretty intense form of fellowship -- and one of the most fun and joyful times you can share. So not only will you not be disowned (which, to clarify, is impossible) but you will regain fellowship, and because He's standing there, not passing by, and is knocking, you know He wants in.

I was talking to a friend about this and she encouraged me to read Isaiah 61. I'd been meaning to go through Isaiah for years and this was a beautiful sneak peek. And because I could literally write a thesis-length article on this chapter (I seriously love it THAT much), I'm going to bold the sections that really stuck out to me.

The Spirit of the Lord God is upon me,
Because the Lord has anointed me
To bring good news to the afflicted;
He has sent me to bind up the brokenhearted,
To proclaim liberty to captives
And freedom to prisoners;
To proclaim the favorable year of the Lord
And the day of vengeance of our God;
To comfort all who mourn,
To grant those who mourn in Zion,
Giving them a garland instead of ashes,
The oil of gladness instead of mourning,
The mantle of praise instead of a spirit of fainting.
So they will be called oaks of righteousness,
The planting of the Lord, that He may be glorified.
Then they will rebuild the ancient ruins,
They will raise up the former devastations;
And they will repair the ruined cities,
The desolations of many generations.
Strangers will stand and pasture your flocks,
And foreigners will be your farmers and your vinedressers.
But you will be called the priests of the Lord;
You will be spoken of as ministers of our God.
You will eat the wealth of nations,
And in their riches you will boast.
Instead of your shame you will have a double portion,
And instead of humiliation they will shout for joy over their portion.
Therefore they will possess a double portion in their land,
Everlasting joy will be theirs.
For I, the Lord, love justice,
I hate robbery in the burnt offering;
And I will faithfully give them their recompense
And make an everlasting covenant with them.
Then their offspring will be known among the nations,
And their descendants in the midst of the peoples.
All who see them will recognize them
Because they are the offspring whom the Lord has blessed.
I will rejoice greatly in the Lord,
My soul will exult in my God;
For He has clothed me with garments of salvation,
He has wrapped me with a robe of righteousness,
As a bridegroom decks himself with a garland,
And as a bride adorns herself with her jewels.
For as the earth brings forth its sprouts,
And as a garden causes the things sown in it to spring up,
So the Lord God will cause righteousness and praise
To spring up before all the nations.

WOW.
That's really all I can say about this passage other than the thesis-length gushing I could do.

But do you see what I mean? God doesn't expect us to be perfect. He expects us to pursue holiness, and He is there to catch us and cleanse us when we fall.

Never Alone

I feel like a lot of people know this verse:
Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous! Do not tremble or be dismayed, for the Lord your God is with you wherever you go.
It's Joshua 1:9, in case you don't.
Usually, people quote this when they're talking about something scary like an illness or something, but when I heard it the other day, I realized something: when people quote this, they're talking about something physically scary. But... what about things that are emotionally scary? Something like, oh, say, singleness.

I'm going to be painfully and embarrassingly honest here: singleness - like, forever - scares me. I want the companionship that comes with a marriage. I want a family. That's what I've always felt called to be, a wife and mother. Now, I know things come in God's time and not ours, and some days it's easier than others to wait on Him. But some days, it's really, painfully hard.

But just as we may feel alone, we're not, are we?
We're not to be dismayed with our singleness, because we're not alone.
And honestly, I don't know what's more comforting than that. It's better than ice cream.

Beauty in Heartbreak

I personally don't listen to the radio much. I'm the pickiest person I know about everything, so listening to someone else's playlist for hours that happens to play the same dozen (annoying) songs over and over and over again is understandably not up my alley. For those of you wondering, I find new music via Pandora, Slacker, and YouTube. No, I actually don't listen to the same stuff over and over and over again. I may be picky, but I'm not hypocritical.
But every now and then I'll drive somewhere with someone else, and they'll have the radio on, and I'll deal with it, because I'm polite like that.

I don't remember who I was riding with... I think it may have been my boss, but she was listening to one of the more interesting Christian stations in the area, and usually I don't pay much attention because, you know, you've heard them all a million times, they're not your style, etc., but all of a sudden, I heard this soft, quiet voice, and a new song. Big deal for me; I love new songs. I kept listening, and it was heartbreaking... but in a good way.

The song was by Laura Story, and it was called "Blessings".

After the song - I guess it had recently debuted - the DJ or whatever told the story behind that song, and just to make sure I got it right for this post, I researched it.
Laura's life was off to a great start: she was doing what she loved in ministry, recording, and had just gotten married. But then, her husband was hospitalized with a brain tumor. She wrote this song during that valley in her life, and there's parts in the song where I thought she sounded choked up and maybe even on the verge of tears. Understandable. (I think her husband lived... I'm not sure, though. If he did, it sounded like he was dealing with vision and memory problems afterwards, which could also have shaped the song.)

I feel like Christians expect their lives to be joyful and rosy all the time... and honestly, I think that's an extremely false thing to believe. I mean, when you ask God for patience, what does He do? He puts you in circumstances where you will have to develop it. He doesn't just give it to you. Not that He leaves you hanging; He helps you cultivate the fruit, but you have to lean on Him wholly.
I don't want to sound like I know Laura's life, but I bet she was praying for patience and love and joy. The difference between her reaction and most of our reactions, though, is that she had the wisdom and sensitivity to realize that sometimes the best things in life... hurt.
It's like when God prunes us: it hurts, but it's for our best.

Just like authors can't write love and pain unless they know it, you can't sing love and pain unless you know it.
Laura's been there, and she called it what it really was: a blessing.

Death is No Laughing Matter

I think there is something seriously sick about our culture. Yeah, sick as in disgusting, sad, and just horrifying: we glorify death.
It's cool to die in movies and books and stuff. It's good to kill yourself if you just feel like you can't take it anymore.

That's not okay.

In the wake of Robin Williams' death, suicide awareness has blown up on social media, and that's a good thing. What's not a good thing is the way Williams' suicide is being portrayed.
For instance, the Academy tweeted a picture of Williams' character from Aladdin hugging the title character with the caption 'Genie, you're free'.
I understand they probably meant well, but if you're going to tell me that that tweet doesn't condone suicide as an escape, you're gonna have a hard time.

I would never say that depression is just something that's 'in your head'. Yes, chemical imbalances do happen, and that is often a contributor to depression. And yes, medication can help that. But it's not a cure. Depression is a lack of joy. And yes, you can even be a Christian and be depressed.

There are times we feel hopeless.
There is always hope.

God is hope.
He gives grace to sinners, love to the unloved, and joy to the broken.

I guess people who commit suicide think they're doing their families and friends a favor, and that's not true.

Don't give up on yourself.
God never has.

"You Will Call Me Ishi"

Hosea is absolutely one of the most beautiful books in the Bible in my humble opinion.
Song of Solomon is the one most people point to when someone asks for a love story, or sometimes Ruth or Esther, and while yes, they are, Hosea is beautiful because it shows us as we really are and God as He pursues us.

For those of you not familiar with the events of Hosea, God instructs Hosea to marry a prostitute, Gomer, and to love her and to start a family with her. Probably not the bride he may have had in mind, but he obeys. She bears him three children before completely turning to other men, either for hire or for free. Hosea pursues her, buys her back, and she returns with him.

Not a happy home, one would assume.

But think about it.
Yes, Gomer is a picture of Israel, but I think she's a picture of us, too.

We are not incapable of wandering. ("Therefore let him who thinks he stands take heed that he does not fall." - 1 Corinthians 10:12)
We are capable of making idols. ("Jesus replied: “‘Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.’" - Matthew 22:37)
We have earned nothing. ("For by grace you have been saved through faith; and [a]that not of yourselves, it is the gift of God; not as a result of works, so that no one may boast." - Ephesians 2:8-9)

This is what God had to say about Israel's wandering:
Say to your brothers, “Ammi,” and to your sisters, “Ruhamah.”
“Contend with your mother, contend,
For she is not my wife, and I am not her husband;
And let her put away her harlotry from her face
And her adultery from between her breasts,
Or I will strip her naked
And expose her as on the day when she was born.
I will also make her like a wilderness,
Make her like desert land
And slay her with thirst.
“Also, I will have no compassion on her children,
Because they are children of harlotry.
“For their mother has played the harlot;
She who conceived them has acted shamefully.
For she said, ‘I will go after my lovers,
Who give me my bread and my water,
My wool and my flax, my oil and my drink.’
“Therefore, behold, I will hedge up her way with thorns,
And I will build a wall against her so that she cannot find her paths.
“She will pursue her lovers, but she will not overtake them;
And she will seek them, but will not find them.
Then she will say, ‘I will go back to my first husband,
For it was better for me then than now!’
“For she does not know that it was I who gave her the grain, the new wine and the oil,
And lavished on her silver and gold,
Which they used for Baal.
“Therefore, I will take back My grain at harvest time
And My new wine in its season.
I will also take away My wool and My flax
Given to cover her nakedness.
“And then I will uncover her lewdness
In the sight of her lovers,
And no one will rescue her out of My hand.
“I will also put an end to all her gaiety,
Her feasts, her new moons, her sabbaths
And all her festal assemblies.
“I will destroy her vines and fig trees,
Of which she said, ‘These are my wages
Which my lovers have given me.’
And I will make them a forest,
And the beasts of the field will devour them.
“I will punish her for the days of the Baals
When she used to offer sacrifices to them
And adorn herself with her earrings and jewelry,
And follow her lovers, so that she forgot Me,” declares the Lord.
_{Hosea 2:1-13}

Sounds terrifying, doesn't it?
And rightly so.
But that's not the end of the story for Gomer, Israel, or us:
Therefore, behold, I will allure her,
Bring her into the wilderness
And speak kindly to her.
“Then I will give her her vineyards from there,
And the valley of Achor as a door of hope.
And she will sing there as in the days of her youth,
As in the day when she came up from the land of Egypt.
“It will come about in that day,” declares the Lord,
“That you will call Me Ishi
And will no longer call Me Baali.
“For I will remove the names of the Baals from her mouth,
So that they will be mentioned by their names no more.
“In that day I will also make a covenant for them
With the beasts of the field,
The birds of the sky
And the creeping things of the ground.
And I will abolish the bow, the sword and war from the land,
And will make them lie down in safety.
“I will betroth you to Me forever;
Yes, I will betroth you to Me in righteousness and in justice,
In lovingkindness and in compassion,
And I will betroth you to Me in faithfulness.
Then you will know the Lord.
_{Hosea 2:14-20}

If that's not one of the most beautiful pictures of mercy, grace, forgiveness, and love, I truly don't know what is.
And I really want to bring attention to this one part that's lost in English. "That you will call Me Ishi And will no longer call Me Baali.
Do you know what that means?
"Baali" means "my master". I'm no scholar of Hebrew, but that almost sounds begrudging to me.
But Ishi... "Ishi" means "my husband". It's not just a label, it's a term of affection.

God loves us, even when we run.
He pursues us, even when we push Him away.
He may let us fall, but He is there to pick us up again.
And yes, He is our Master and Lord... but He is also our Ishi.

Fixing Your Eyes

So I was running and walking the bridge this morning with my mom, and this is the first time I've run outside in maybe three months. Yeah...
But when I run on a treadmill, you're staring at a wall because you're not going anywhere. That tends to bore or bother some people, but I don't really care. But when you're actually running outside, you have to look somewhere.
And if matters where.

You shouldn't look down at your feet, because you'll go slower, and goodness knows what you might run into.
Some people look ahead and make different goals, like a light post or a sidewalk end, but then as soon as you get there -- or at least, as soon as I get there -- the urge to keep going kinda vanishes because it's like, okay, I made it.
But if you look as far ahead as you can, at the very end of whatever it is you're on, you run faster, and you run better.

Remind you of anything?
We're told to fix our eyes on Jesus and to run the race well. That means not setting our eyes on temporary goals, though goals are important. We're to look as far ahead as we can - to Jesus - and if we do that, we will run the race well.

My Cup Overflows

My cup is overflowing . . . and flooding my house.

Isn't it interesting that we're always telling people that God can do anything, but we keep trying to connect all of the dots ourselves?
I'll be the first to admit I've done that before, but I will also be the first to admit that I screwed up. Big time.

It's because we don't know what's in the future, so we can't see all the dots. And some dots that look great are actually not-so-great. And from our perspective, we may think we're connecting "66" to "67", when we may very well be connecting "67" to "99", missing all the growth, experience, and relationships we're supposed to have in between.

Not only does God know what dots to connect, but His timing is impeccable, and I really do mean that.
I was fresh out of college without a job, and through little dots I hadn't thought were important, God just started dropping opportunities into my lap. Now I'm doing what I love nearly full time, and I'm able to give the glory to Him, which is really what it's all about.

That's not to say we shouldn't be doing anything: God doesn't direct something that's not moving. But we should be walking in God's footsteps, not running around trying to find the road.
It's not always fun, but I promise you it's always worth it.

Marriage

Marriage is a beautiful thing.
One of my best friends got married this past Saturday, and while she and the ceremony were beautiful, she did something that not many brides do.
And no, it wasn't faint.

She asked the pastor to incorporate the Gospel into the wedding sermon.

Why?
Because though she is young, she understands something that we seem to have forgotten as a culture.

Marriage is a picture of God's relationship with the church.

The groom enters first because he pictures God, who initiates the relationship. The bride wears white to symbolize purity.
Now some would argue that not everyone in the church is pure, and that's true. But God makes us pure through His blood. The celebration afterwards represents the huge party that will happen when the church is reunited with the groom.

The fact that she knows this and wanted to share it really underscores what an awesome bride she is.

Another thing that I thought about during the wedding was the fact that young, unmarried women (like me) feel this need to get married. And while that's a natural desire, it's a wee bit misplaced.
What man could love us better than God, literally the original, ultimate groom?
Not to say a man couldn't be an awesome picture of God, but we (myself included) would do well to grow closer to One who we can't be separated from, even in death.

Lest I Forget

It's so easy to forget how good God is to us.
Remember my post about Israel?
Well, I'm not doing that, but they forgot about God a lot, and sometimes I catch myself doing the same thing.

God has blessed me so much in my collge career with great parents who proofread my essays and helped me study, awesome professors who actually care about their students, crazy friends to make the icky days lighter, and a full-ride scholarship.
And here I am - graduated - with that season of life behind me (I hope!) and stressing out about jobs and what the heck I'm going to do.
Cue the facepalm.
God has been so good to me, why would I think He'd just let me go, step back, and say, "Okay, now you're on your own"?
Because I'm human, but more because I'm not trusting Him.

Last night I was in tears because I didn't know how I was going to provide for myself. I asked a friend today to pray for me, and then I got a graduation card in the mail . . . with nearly a month's worth of car insurance inside. Then I remembered my tax refund that hasn't come in yet: about three months' worth of car insurance. And I have a part-time job during the school year. And a part-time job with my previous employer who is just one of the most awesome bosses I've ever had. And a paycheck yet to come in from an odd job. And most importantly, parents who aren't making me move out.

Ah me.
Lest I forget. . .

I am Israel

I just absolutely adore my Bible study group.
We're crazy, we're weird, and there's a lot of laughs, but when we come together to study God's Word, there's just a lot to be found there.
And it's great.

Last week, we were learning about Ehud (my second favorite) and Barak and Deborah and Jael (my favorite!).
About how Israel seemed to fall morally when they were at the top of their game in the eyes of the world.
About what lessons we could draw from that.

One thing that really struck me was the fact that I usually point the finger at Israel in the Bible and I'm like "Oh my gosh, you guys are so dumb! You just saw God part the Red Sea! And you're freaking out over nothing! How could you just turn your back on Him like that after all He's done for you?"
But our discussion last Friday made me think of something, which I told them.
We are not different at all.
We do the exact same thing.
There's really only two differences between Israel and us:

1. We have the Holy Spirit, which they didn't have. That actually give us less of an excuse, if there are any excuses to be had.
2. We weren't written about for other people to read about for the next 4,000 years.

All things considered, though, we are the same.
God could do something incredible for us, and we'd be genuinely thankful about it . . . until we realize the Godsend car to get us to work and back has a leak in the power steering pump.
We're obedient . . . until we really wanna do that other thing that - while it's not wrong - isn't God's best.
We're outspoken . . . until we see that one of our friends had a bad experience at a church once and doesn't want to talk about God.

No, we didn't go hog wild waiting for the service to start last Sunday like the Israelites did while Moses got the Ten Commandments.
No, we didn't make our children pass through the fire . . . Oh, no, wait, yes we did.
Yeah, we worship at the idol of college degrees, political power, and high-paying jobs.

I'm admitting I'm no different, really. Actually, Jesus holds us to a higher standard.

Do you still think you're different?

Blessings

Not everyone feels that they've been blessed.
Some people know they've been blessed and feel that they didn't deserve any of those blessings.
Some people know they've been blessed and feel that they darn well deserved those blessings.
And then there are others who are blessed and instead of considering their worthiness - or lack of - they simply accept the blessing.

But sometimes blessings don't look like blessings.

Sometimes blessings look like tragedies.

What we forget sometimes, though, is that we are not the only ones affected by those tragedies.
How we react, how we persevere, how we are through a tragedy either glorifies God or pushes people away from Him.
And - if we weather the trial well by relying on His strength, and not our own - that tragedy becomes a blessing for someone else.
We may or may not have "deserved" it.
But is that really the point?
We are but vapors.
Who are we to argue with God?

We often ask God to use us for His glory.
And sometimes when He does, it hurts.
Sometimes it doesn't.
But like Job said, should we really only accept the good, but not the bad?
And unlike Job, we have the Holy Spirit.
We have a hotline to God.
And if He brings you into a storm, wouldn't it be foolish for us to believe He won't lead us out?

Blessings are gifts.
We have to remember that.
But we also need to remember that while blessings are gifts, those gifts may not be for us.

For the Mothers

I don't know if you've heard about the article in which a woman says that she actually "looks down on young women with husbands and kids and she's not sorry", but it's quite a read.
This is going to be long and possibly tedious, but this incited quite a few thoughts and emotions, and this is what came out of my fingertips.

First off, if feminism is about supporting a woman's decision - no matter what the decision - then why does this woman feel entitled to "look down" on women who have made a different choice than her? There's nothing wrong with having a career. There's nothing wrong with staying home with one's children. There's nothing wrong with doing both, if one can. What this woman is saying seems to stem from pure hate (and possibly a wee bit of jealousy).
Secondly, Glass says that women who choose to stay home with their children are "taking the path of least resistance", to which I say, "Excuse you! Have you ever babysat as a kid? Did you get paid for babysitting? Were those kids sometimes so precious you could hug them to death and then the next minute you wish you had? Did it take effort to calm them when they were upset? Was it emotionally draining to hold them when they cried? Were they easy to please? Were you tired by the time you left? Did you think you were underpaid for the work you did?" Mothers who choose to stay at home are not taking the path of least resistance. Staying at home with children (or even a child, singular) is TOUGH. It is thankless, dirty, emotional, draining, trying WORK. UNPAID WORK. And how dare she call it the "path of least resistance"? In this day and age, women are all but pushed into the maths and sciences (which is fine if that's what they want to do) but God forbid a woman choose to get married and have a family and stay home with her children -- they are seldom congratulated for their life choices. I'm fortunate enough to have understanding people in my life who - while they may think I'm wasting my mind - respect my desires. Most women who stay at home are ridiculed, called lazy, stupid, are told they're hampering their children, dragging down their husband, and are generally good for nothing.
Third, speaking of marriage and husbands, while I'm not married myself I've been around married couples for a long time. One of my closest friends is about to be married in May, and let me tell you something, Amy Glass: marriage is NOT easy. Marriage is a life-long commitment that a man and a woman make together before God that unites their lives. Everything becomes one, but because people are people, things don't want to become one. Marriage is the process of growing closer together. The purpose of marriage is not just sexual fulfillment. It is not just a merging of bank accounts. It is not just a tax deduction. It is not just an extra letter from "Ms." to "Mrs.". It is not just an excuse for a few parties leading up to huge party and a vacation. It is two people coming together to work together as a team and build each other up. And that is HARD. There are fights. There are idiosyncrasies that are annoying. There's everyday obstacles of life that the two of you generally have to agree how to deal with. Marriage is not easy. (Nor is the actual wedding -- trust me, I'm a Maid of Honor. It's insane.) But it's all worth it.
What I'm saying is that if you want a career and you feel called to that career, you can have it! Go for it! Really! If you want a career and a husband and a family, do just that! It's yours! If you want a husband and a family and you choose to stay home with those children, you go! It's just as much work - if not more so - than a career, because, unlike a job where you punch in, work, punch out, and get a paycheck, you're always on the clock as a mother, and you're never paid.
I understand that women used to be tread upon. That they had no legal standing in any way, shape, or form apart from a man. In understand that they deserve rights.
God sees men and women as equal.
That's what feminism claims to do, too.
If this is feminism - being forced into a life you may not want - isn't that as bad as what you were fighting against at the beginning?

But if this is feminism, I don't want it.

Sleeping Beauty Saturdays: Start from Within

"A glad heart makes a cheerful face."
Proverbs 15:13a

Okay, this post is sort of a twofer.

So, one thing that will really bring out your natural beauty is your face.
I know that's kind of stating the obvious, but bear with me.
Ever passed someone and they just had this neutral expression on their face? But a neutral expression that kinda made it look like they wanted to be left alone? Or maybe kill someone and then be left alone?
For some people, that's just their "resting face". It's just the default.
But we should be joyful . . . I'm not saying you have to be bubbly all the time, and if that's not your personality, you probably shouldn't be.
But the face generally does show what's in the heart.
Sometimes we need to keep that in mind.
The world needs joyful people.
People need kind and approachable people.
A kind and joyful face with no makeup is always nicer than a beautifully made-up one with a scowl.

Secondly, we have the slightly more biological thing.
WATER.
I don't know about you, but I personally hate water.
I have a really hard time drinking it because it tastes like nothing, and that's just eww no.
But it seriously is incredibly good for you.
Case en point: I was wandering around on Tribesports and I saw this challenge to drink 2 liters of water every day for a month.
I was like "Eww, no".
Then I saw that only 18% of those who took the challenge did it . . . well . . . I'm just very competitive.
But wow.
I had way more energy, I lost about 3 or 4 pounds that month (more than the other months when I wasn't drinking that much water), I felt slimmer, and my face really cleared up.
I've never had issues with breaking out, but I have very oily skin, and I could tell that my skin was hydrated but not as oily as it normally was.
Fortunately, I did complete the challenge.
Unfortunately, it only lasted that month.
I'm trying to get back into drinking that much water again, possibly even 3 liters a day, but you really ought to try it.

Oh yes, and if you must flavor the water, go on ahead, I'd just try to make sure that it's not super sugary.
Of course, this is coming from the person who used pink lemonade packets, so yeah. . .

Devotions -- What a Novel Idea

Ever done a certain study of the Bible that has really just touched your heart and impacted you?
I did such a one last year after a friend recommended it, and wow . . . I plan on doing it again every so often.

There's this awesome site called She Reads Truth.
They write studies and guides for women that want to improve areas of their lives with God's word.
They did a study of Hosea, and while I have to admit that I'd never read Hosea before, now I'd say it's a sadly underrated book.

I became curious about Hosea while reading Redeeming Love a few lot of years back, but I'd never really gone beyond that book (which is an incredible retelling of Hosea, by the way).

You ought to read both, though I would say that while Scripture is God-breathed and profitable . . . there are some subjects that are more profitable for more mature audiences than younger ones, if you get what I mean.
But anyway, if you're like me in that you want to be more consistent in your devotions and you want to read more books this year, I'd definitely suggest the two of them.

An Announcement!

I am not engaged!
I am not dating. Or courting, if that's what you must call it.
I'm not "talking", I've got my eye on no one (this side of the Pond, this side of 30, or this side of the camera lens), and as far as I know, no one fancies me.
And that's okay.

You see, a friend of mine wrote a brilliant post about feeling lonely when you're single. You really should take the time to read it; it's fantastic.
And while loneliness is part of it, there's also that factor of desperation.
"There must be something wrong with me."
"If I don't find him now, I never will."
"Maybe there's nobody out there for me."
Um, likely not, probably not, and almost certainly not true.

The thing I see people do sometimes, though, is settle.
They didn't get who they thought they would, they're rebounding, and they go for just anyone.
I understand what it's like to hurt.
I understand what it's like to be lonely.
I understand what it's like to want to settle just to be with somebody, anybody.
But y'all, understand that when you settle, chances are there will be more pain.
Pain to your heart, pain to his heart, and pain to God's heart.

He made you beautiful.
He wrote every bit of your personality.
He loves you, and the man He has for you He made to be your other half.
Giving bits of your precious heart away to anyone but that will only cause pain in the long run.

Don't get me wrong, I'm not perfect. And - for the record - I'm not saying that you are, either.
We all have things to work on.
We could all be more mature.
We could all be more Christ-like.
But these things aren't a checklist to occupy our time while we're waiting.
Someone (and I'm not going to Google this because, just watch, it'll be attributed to at least three different people) said that a girl should be so lost in God that he's got to be so lost in God to find her.
I think that's true to an extent: we should always be growing closer to God period.
But if we think we've gotta be "there", if we think the work in us has got to be "completed" before God brings us the one He's got for us, we are quite mistaken.

God designed men to be leaders, specifically the spiritual leaders of the home.
What use is there in having a leader for the journey if you're both "there?"
None.

You'll never be "there" this side of Heaven.
I'll never be "there" this side of Heaven.
He'll never be "there" this side of Heaven.
But God knows what He's doing, which frankly is awesome because I have no idea what I'm doing.

Knowing that, I'm content to wait.
I'm content to be single.
I'm content to be one of the few people in my group of friends who's not engaged.
While it may hurt, while I may feel alone, I know I'm never completely alone.

If you'd like to read more of Jennifer's thoughts, check out her full blog here!

New Beginnings

I'll be perfectly honest: I'm not sad to see 2013 go.
Don't get me wrong, it wasn't a horrible year - I've had better, and I've had worse.
I guess I'm just ready for a new start.

I know just about everyone makes some Resolutions (yep, with a capital 'R') that they want to put into practice or accomplish during the new year. We usually quit doing them about halfway through January and forget about them completely by March.

This year, I want things to be different, but I'm thinking that maybe "resolutions" are the wrong way to go about it. I'm not saying that they're wrong, or horrible, or a terrible idea in general, but I do think we're taking the wrong approach: it's something we try to do. Usually alone. And that's typically why we fall flat on our faces when we try.

I'm going to ask God to help me this year, because I've learned that I really cannot do anything worthwhile without Him.

- make a deliberate effort to glorify God in everything I do and say.

- commit to spending a set-aside time with Him every day in prayer, worship, and meditation on His word.

- develop closer relationships with my family members.

- lose about 15-25 pounds by exercising 3-4 times a week.

- read a book every month.

- make guacamole.

Let the New Year begin!